


loving a ghost

by zorelgbt



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Kara Danvers - Freeform, Lena Luthor - Freeform, Sad Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, alex danvers & kara danvers sisters, alex danvers - Freeform, supergirl - Freeform, supergirl 5x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21644728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zorelgbt/pseuds/zorelgbt
Summary: How can Kara continue on being Supergirl after she failed to save Lena? How can she carry on not knowing if Lena died hating her? The answer is clear to her, she can't... Until Alex convinces her that Lena would want her to go on.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 8
Kudos: 84





	loving a ghost

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i'm back. it's been a while, almost a year! i got busy with work but broke my ankle recently so i've had free time to write again. anyWAYS about this one: it's set after 5x08! screams into the void: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH WARNING. it's sad. i cried. grab tissues! hope you enjoy x

Kara stands on the balcony at the DEO. She’s been there for hours… But it doesn’t seem like it. Time has always passed differently for the Kryptonian. It used to be a curse, the way the happy moments flew by in a rush of color. She always felt like she was missing out on the important stuff. But now, the rapid passing of time was a blessing.

You see, when you’re miserable, the days are like dominoes. Falling, crashing into each other until you can’t recognize time passing. And believe her, Kara was miserable.

Kara’s ears prick up as a familiar heartbeat pulses behind her. She doesn’t feel it like she used to. The beating used to give her purpose. Now, it’s just another sound. The beat doesn’t give her life meaning. Actually, nothing does anymore.

Alex walks up slowly, placing her hand on Kara’s shoulder, trying not to cringe when it’s brutally shaken off. “Kara, please come inside. We can talk…”

The younger sister blinks for the first time in a while. Her hazy eyes shift to the brunette, lifeless in their gaze. A cough bubbles in her throat, clearly the result of not speaking for a long while. She blinks slowly, taking in the sight of her sister. She knows that she should give her a smile, a hug; anything that shows that Kara Danvers is still there.

Instead she turns away. Kara Danvers doesn’t exist anymore. Supergirl doesn’t exist anymore. She’s just a body, resting on a silent continuum that’s black and desolate. Nothing matters. She’s tried to fix herself but she can’t. Something deep inside of her broke that fateful day… Something that can’t be fixed.

“Kara, please… Don’t shut me out,” Alex begged, biting her lip and trying to hold the tears at bay. “I’m your sister.”

“Your sister is gone.” The voice is stilted, cracking at the seams. The words are softly spoken but cut deep. There’s no mistaking the truth inside of them.

“No, Kara, you’re still here. Deep inside, you’re still there. You’re hurting… And you’ve shut yourself off, but you’re still there. I won’t give up on you.” Alex placed her hands on Kara’s shoulders. “I love you.”

Indifference. That’s the deepest emotion Kara can force in response. “You love a ghost,” she pauses, licking her dry lips, “someone who doesn’t exist anymore. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on.”

The elder sister shakes her head furiously, placing a hand on the blonde’s cheek, trying to force her gaze to hers. It’s no use; you can’t move stone. “You can’t do this, Kara. People need you. I need you.” Alex is grasping at straws, trying to wake Kara up. “What about the people who need your help saving them?”

This ignites a cold chuckle from the Kryptonian. Her expression is an odd one; it doesn’t fit her features. What was once such a joyful creature, to now be so cold, it’s jarring. Crystal eyes dart farther into the distance, a slight lift of her stance the only answer to the other’s query.

Alex sighs, “You can’t let what happened ruin you, Kara… It’s not your fault.”

The superhero’s head lifts, her lips pursed. “She was vulnerable because of me, because of all of this. We lied to her. She gave us love and trust and we spit in her face. We practically pushed her off a cliff, Alex.”

As Alex drapes a hand across Kara’s back, she draws her close. “You had good intentions. You didn’t mean to hurt her… You wanted to protect her.”

“Lot of good that did…” Kara’s voice drifts off as her eyes fall shut, remembering the last time she remembered who she was.

* * *

**_One week prior._ **

_Kara landed in the DEO in good spirits, having been assisting the rescue efforts for a fire in a building. She went back in for a little girl’s puppy, saving the little guy from the rising flames. The girl gave her a huge smile as she handed the dog back to her, proclaiming her love for Supergirl and exclaiming how she wanted to be just like her when she grew up._

_The thought warmed her heart. Obviously not everyone could have powers, but one of the things Kara was most proud of was supporting the idea of the “every day hero.” Every single person could be a hero; everyone was capable of it. Inspiring the youth was a huge part of her job, in addition to helping everywhere she could._

_This happiness was shattered as soon as she took in the sight of her sister, who was swearing and pacing the floor._

_“What’s wrong?” Kara asked, immediately going on high alert._

_“Someone’s breached our servers. We’re being hacked. Brainy can’t stop it… We don’t even know what they want.” Alex threw a folder to the floor, her hands forming fists. “I can’t stop it if I don’t know what their endgame is.”_

_Kara put her hands on Alex’s shoulders, forcing her to look in her eyes. “It’s going to be okay, Alex. Whatever it is, we can handle it.”_

_Just then, the monitors behind them began buzzing with static. They turned to look at it and were greeted by an unexpected face._

_“Supergirl, have you changed your hair? I like the bangs. They suit you.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice as he sneered at them from the TV screens. “However, your security on the other hand, tsk-tsk! It’s like you went back into the year 2000 with your pathetic firewalls. You must upgrade otherwise you’re just asking people to hack you.”_

_Kara stood to attention, her chin pointing upwards. “Lex Luthor. I must admit I’m surprised to see you. I thought your sister took care of you.” She gulped, her arms folded across her chest. The mention of Lena was a tough pill to swallow. After figuring out Kara was Supergirl from Lex, Lena hadn’t forgiven her. Kara was still working on fixing their relationship… And hopefully admitting she was in love with the woman._

_Lex’s baritone interrupted her thoughts, “Ah yes, well, technicalities. That’s what you get when you leave a body behind and don’t clean up after yourself. I taught her better… At least I thought I did.” Lex scratched the side of his face, rolling his eyes. “Speaking of my sister,” he swiveled, facing the camera in the corner of the room, which was clouded in darkness._

_A switch flipping could be heard in the background, lights appearing overhead, buzzing ominously. “Now, now, Lena. Let’s not forget our manners. Say hello.”_

_Kara could see before the others and it took everything inside of her not to lunge forward towards the screens. Lena was tied in a chair, her head wobbling as she raised it. Her hair was caked with blood, a streak travelling down her temple, framing the side of her face._

_The real pain was in her eyes. She glared at the camera, her eyes lifeless and cold. She said nothing and was punished by Lex kicking her chair, only a small whimper of pain escaping her lips._

_“Leave her alone!” Kara screamed at the screen, stepping closer, her hands balled into fists. “Let her go or I swear…”_

_Lex cuts her off, “Swear what, Kryptonian? You’ll kill me? I think I’ve proven I’m a little more than indestructible.” A cruel smile stretched his lips as he grabbed Lena’s face, forcing her to look at the camera. “I’m sure we’ll be seeing you real soon, Supergirl.”_

_The cameras cut off with a hiss of electricity._

_Kara immediately felt the adrenaline surge inside of her as she turned to Brainy. “Can we track that feed?”_

_Brainy stuttered out a response but he was cut off by Alex, who took Kara’s hand and pulled her aside._

_"Kara, this could be a trap… I don’t want to assume the worst but… Lena did just have myriad. Maybe this is the next step in her plan…” Alex drifted off, seeing the anger flare in Kara’s eyes. “We don’t even know if Lex is alive or if Lena actually killed him in the first place.”_

_Kara stepped back from her sister, breathing heavily. “No. You didn’t see the pain in Lena’s eyes. She murdered her brother to keep us safe. All she ever wanted was to be seen as good… And not as a villain. This isn’t fake… It’s not a trap. She’s in trouble, I can feel it.”_

_Alex shook her head, “it’s too fishy, Kara. We can’t take the risk…”_

_“What risk? The risk that I don’t help Lena and Lex hurts her? Then what? Lex rides off into the sunset? No. He’s going to come after us anyways. We can’t leave Lena behind; I can still help her. I can get through to her. I just need the chance.” Kara grabbed Alex’s arm. “Please.”_

_Shaking off the hand on her arm, Alex closes her eyes. “We can’t just send you in blind, Kara. Who knows what Lex has planned…”_

_Kara’s shoulders fall in defeat, before Alex opens her eyes, looking at Kara’s suit. “So we better make sure you’re ready for anything.”_

_It’s only a short ten minutes later and Kara’s in the air. She has on some of the tools from the DEO to protect herself and Brainy has provided her the location of Lex’s hideout._

_As a general rule, Kara loves flying. The freedom of the open air is something special and she usually treasures it, but this time she’s filled with anxiety as she rushes to the location._

_It takes longer than she wanted but she finally approaches the luxury cabin at the top of the mountain. Using her x-ray vision, she surveys the area but she doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary. “Alex, can you hear me?”_

_“Come in Supergirl.” The voice in her ear is crisp and clean, just like Alex is right beside her._

_“I’m going in. I don’t see any traps.”_

_“Be careful.” Alex says softly but with authority._

_“Will do.”_

_A dash downward and Kara comes barreling through the ceiling, the structure crumbling around her. She looks around but sees nothing to alarm her. It looks like a regular home, suited for the cold weather. This feels weird… Maybe it is a trap._

_Before she can rethink the danger, she hears a shot go off. In a split second she tears through the door, finding her worst nightmare._

_Lex stands across from Lena, but there’s no gun in his hands. Kara doesn’t waste any time on the thought as her gaze falls to Lena, motionless on the ground._

_“It’s quite poetic, Supergirl,” Lex pauses, chuckling. “Well, actually, I suppose we can call you Kara now, can’t we?” He gestures towards Lena’s still form, lying on the ground. “Since she knows your great secret. How did that all work out, anyways? I never got to see the fallout, considering I was dead.” At his words, a pained groan and cough emit from the body on the ground and Kara balks with the stunning realization: Lena’s alive._

_She speeds over to her, kneeling beside her and examining her for injuries. There’s a cut on her neck that’s bleeding but most of the damage is in her torso, where a bullet lies. Kara lifts her gently, flying up to the roof, trying to break free._

_Instead of flying through the air, she’s shoved back down to the ground. Lena cries out as they both hit the wooden floor, Kara trying her best to shoulder most of the impact. She looks up at Lex, who’s looking at her with a smile. “What did you do?”_

_Lex shrugs, “It’s just a small kryptonite shield. It won’t hold you forever, but long enough for sister dearest to expire.”_

_Kara bursts forward, barreling towards the figure and dashing right through him. She turns and he phases back in, laughing cruelly. “Just a hologram, Kryptonian. You can’t hurt me,” he paused, stroking his beard. “I, however, can still hurt you. You’re going to watch as the woman you love dies. And despite your powers, you can’t do a thing to save her.”_

_His words cut a string of fear through her. She rushes back to Lena’s side, trying her best to apply pressure to the wound. “Come on, Lena. Stay awake, you can do it, I know you can.” Kara attempts to reach Alex from her earpiece but soon realizes she’s not there. No one’s there. They’re all alone._

_Lex appears beside her, kneeling and continuing to torture them. “Tell me, Supergirl, will you still feel superior when she dies? She betrayed me for you, not knowing that the entire time, you were fooling her. This is your fault. Without your interference, she would be alive. She would be happy. Instead… Well, she’s useless.”_

_Kara let out a broken sob, running her fingers through Lena’s hair, clearing it from her face. “Please, Lena… Don’t go.”_

_Lena coughed, blood splattering from her mouth as she tried to form words. “Kara… I…” A cough broke off the sentence and continued as she struggled to pull in air. Lena’s hand rose, trying to make it to Kara’s face, but she didn’t have the strength. The limb fell back down as Lena’s eyes fell shut._

_Kara listened helplessly as Lena’s heartbeat slowed, her hands stroking Lena’s face. “Please Lena, I love you…”_

_Then, all sound stopped. The struggle fell from Lena’s form as her head swayed to the side and her heart stopped beating._

_“Just one more thing, Supergirl. The one secret I didn’t tell her was the fact that you were in love with her. Now… It looks like it’s too late.” His form disappears from the room, as it’s drenched in darkness._

_An echoing scream of agony was all that could be heard in the silence. The room exploded in a cacophony of sound as Kara gave into the savage pain ripping through her body._

_She fell over Lena as racking sobs tore through her. Grasping the woman’s lifeless body to her own, she breathed out, wanting to give the other her life essence. Despite her efforts, it didn’t work. Lena didn’t magically wake up. Instead, she cradled the corpse of the love of her life to her chest, trying to soak up every inch of warmth left in Lena’s body, which was rapidly fading as her form got colder and colder with each passing second._

_It could have been minutes or days, but eventually Kara’s ears picked up the presence of another form. She stood in alarm, placing herself in front of Lena’s body in protection._

_“Supergirl? Supergirl!” A voice sliced through the silence and though Kara tried, she couldn’t place it for a solitary moment. Then the heartbeat comes into focus and Kara recognizes the voice belongs to her sister._

_“Alex?” Her voice is weak and small, nothing like it usually is. Despite that, it helps Alex find where she’s located and she comes inside, weapons drawn, several agents trailing behind her._

_“Supergirl…” Alex steps closer, sheathing her weapon. When she gets close enough, she gasps at the sight in front of her. “Kara…” Her voice is filled with pain._

_Lena’s lying at an awkward angle, a result of Kara cuddling her as she passed away. The floor is covered with blood and so is Lena’s pale skin. Alex gazes at her sister and sees the dark stains on her suit. “Are you hurt?”_

_Kara startles back into the moment, looking at Alex. “What? No. But Lena, we need to get her out of here. Now that you’re here, you can take her out and get her to the hospital. I can’t go anywhere, not with the kryptonite gas surrounding the building, but you can.” Kneeling down, Kara pulls Lena into her arms. “Did you bring medical? We need to hurry.”_

_Her voice breaks as Alex touches Kara’s cheek. “Kara, Lena’s gone.”_

_Kara shakes her head viciously as she clutches the body tighter to her. “No, she isn’t. She’s alive. She has to be. I have so much to tell her… We have so much to fix. She can’t be gone.”_

_The scene is heartbreaking as Alex presses her fingers to Lena’s neck, not finding a pulse. “Listen, Kara. Do you hear her heartbeat? I’m sorry but… Lena’s gone.”_

_Shaking her head, tears bubble in her eyes as Kara’s lip quivers. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no…” She keeps repeating the words as she falls to the floor, pressing a kiss to Lena’s cold forehead. “Please wake up, Lena… Wake up…”_

_Alex gave into her tears as she knelt and hugged Kara, placing her hand on Lena’s head._

* * *

In present time, Kara sits up from Alex’s embrace, walking closer to the edge of the balcony. The sun’s setting, which seems fitting to her thoughts on life. “I gave Lena my heart… my soul that day. I buried it with her. There’s nothing left here, Alex, don’t you see?”

Alex shakes her head, “Lena wouldn’t want that, Kara.”

Kara swiveled around, her eyes flashing. “How would you know that? Lena died hating me. She never got to hear how sorry I was. I never got to tell her that part of the reason I didn’t tell her I was Supergirl was because I loved just being Kara with her. I never got to tell her that I fell in love with her.” Breathing harshly, her arms fell by her sides limply. “How can I go on being Supergirl knowing that she hated Supergirl?”

Embracing Kara, Alex responds, “You do it for her. Lena never hated Supergirl. Even at the worst moments, she knew you were good, and that’s all Lena wanted to be. She wanted to help people. She would want you to help people, Kara. She was angry and betrayed but she loved you… You know that.”

Her words are muffled into the crook of her sister’s neck but she says them anyways. “I love her, Alex. I love her so much that I don’t know how to go on without her.”

Alex pulls back, cradling Kara’s face, wiping her tears away with her thumbs. “You go on knowing one day you’ll see her again.”

Shaking her head, Kara sniffles. “How can I be Supergirl knowing I didn’t save her? How do I save others knowing I failed to save the one I love?”

“I don’t know the answer to that one, Kara… But what I do know is that you can’t stop trying to figure out how. It wasn’t your fault Lena died. It’s Lex’s. Imagine what he could do to others without you here to stop him. What he will do if you’re not here… The world needs you to believe in Supergirl because they believe in you.” She paused, taking a deep breath. “As for the rest, you take it one day at a time and eventually it stops hurting as bad. Every day you fight for Lena, because giving up won’t help her. One day you’ll wake up and smile, because you’ve made a difference, thanks to her.” Alex presses a kiss to the top of Kara’s head. “You can lean on us, okay? I know it’s going to be a hard road, but you won’t be alone.”

As Kara looks past her into the DEO, she realizes Alex is right. Maybe the world won’t ever be right again without Lena, but she can’t stop fighting to make it that way. She turns to look at the sunset and sends out a promise to Lena.

> _I’ll see you again one day. Until then, I’ll save as many lives as I can. I’ll help them. Just like I know you would. Just like I know you want me to. I hope you forgive me for not being truthful with you… for not saving you. I hope you know that I love you, and will continue to every single day. Thank you for everything, Lena Luthor._

**Author's Note:**

> do you hate me jdfglkjdfgj i kinda hate me for this one. i hope you liked it, even just a lil. if you wanna chat, i'm on twitter @zorelgbt. also if you have any requests for me let me know and i'll try to do them. love you all!


End file.
